"The kids love when we do family breakfasts," says Alison, 42.
"On the weekends, we form an assembly line so everyone can pick their toppings." The kitchen of their Minnesota home is large and comfy.
Due to the recession, many divorcing parents must continue living together, at least temporarily, because they cannot afford to maintain two separate households.
With the difficult economy, you hear about more and more couples who get divorced and find themselves still living under the same roof.
Often, this is due to financial issues and the inability to sell their home (probably their largest single asset) in a bad real estate market.
With few options available, the most obvious one is for two people to live together in the family home as they wait for it to sell.
I can’t tell you why, but couples often find it much easier to stay in the same residence once they have resolved the issues of their divorce. First, there’s a reason the two of you are getting divorced.
On a recent Sunday morning, 10-year-old Kaia woke up in the mood for crepes, something her mom, Alison, makes like a pro.
” My friend and I were sitting side by side on folding canvas chairs, both wrapped in fleece, both clutching steaming cups of coffee at a way-too-early Saturday soccer game last fall. ” Soccer Pal asked, so incredulous that I momentarily wondered if the news had been posted on the township Facebook page: “There was a burglary on Virginia Avenue. Leaf pickup starts on Friday the 3rd.” I’d just seen them together at Dunkin’ Donuts, all of them, including the four kids. A few days after soccer, I saw Kristen in the deli at Wegmans and beelined my cart over to hers. “I’m so sorry.” “Yeah, it’s been about six months.” “Really? he’ll officially move out.” I didn’t want to be meddlesome and ask the obvious question: If you split but you don’t actually split, isn’t that the equivalent of, um, marriage? I’m not quite sure.” “Wow,” I said, nodding my head as if their arrangement was totally ordinary, as if I’d had the very same conversation with three other moms in the bakery aisle minutes before. He takes the kids every Wednesday and every other weekend. No one periodically sleeps on the other person’s couch. ” I asked him one weekend as we drove to visit some college friends.
If you and your spouse can bear being in the same residence together after your divorce is finished, one or both of you will be able to pocket a little extra cash, and that can make a difference.
If you’re in the same residence, it makes it easier for both of you to care for your children.
As seems to be required in such circumstances, we were chirping about people we knew. I recalled jolly laughter and the aura of bona fide togetherness-ness. Instead, I blurted out a far less invasive query: “Are you dating? I couldn’t help thinking that Kristen and Bill had to be the healthiest, most progressive, most selfless parents on the face of this earth. Whenever I imagine my divorce—and I imagine my divorce roughly once a week, typically when I find a beer glass soaking in the sink again, as if beer glasses into the dishwasher—it does not look like Kristen’s at all. I was pretty certain that Thad, too, imagined our divorce roughly once a week, typically after I found a beer glass soaking in the sink and proceeded to lecture him for 45 minutes on how I have to do “I’m not sure I get it,” he said finally.
When I brought up a couple whose daughter played soccer with our girls last season, my soccer pal casually stated, “They split up,” as if revealing that said mutual friend had purchased a new pair of clogs. “You might not be technically married, but you still have to deal with all the stupid little sucky stuff about being married. To have someone swoop in and take care of a meal, then swoop away? Just thinking the word “alone” freaked me out a bit, not because I couldn’t imagine it, but because I could.